Doing our best

I regularly do a two+ mile walks around our beautiful town lake. I feel renewed by the big open sky above the lake, the water, the birds, and the trees. And this time of year, we have many goslings and ducklings being protected by their watchful parents. There are always other people walking, too. All generations are represented. On a recent walk, I passed a woman pushing a stroller and following her busy three year old. An infant was wailing inside the stroller. Mom smiled as she walked by, and I smiled back. But inside, I felt a pang. I wanted to hold that crying baby. I felt judgment rise in my heart thinking, “Why doesn’t she just carry the baby? How could she let her baby cry?” I couldn’t have when mine were little. But, that’s me.

I know a woman who did child care in her home when her two kids were small. She could make a little income and be there for her own children. One of the children she cared for was a newborn whose mom went back to work after only two weeks. The provider nurtured and carried that newborn as she would one of her own. The baby was a cheerful, mellow, observant infant who rarely cried. One day, after about 6 weeks, the parents told her they were taking their child out of her care and moving to another provider. My friend was devastated. She had bonded to that little one and the parents had voiced no concerns up to this time. They told her that all their baby did on the weekends was cry unless he was held. They just couldn’t have their son spoiled this way.

Crying babies.... I have a very particular perspective on this. An infant’s cries are telling us something. Are we listening? Are we trying to figure out what is needed? And, I must remember that everyone doesn’t share my perspective. Does ignoring a baby’s cries damage the child for life? If the crying is rare, for relatively short durations, and the child’s needs are generally met, probably not. My walk around the lake reminded me again that everyone has their own way of doing things. Maybe children become independent at an earlier age when they have been encouraged to self-soothe instead of needing someone to pick them up and comfort them or jiggle them.

Parenting is demanding and non-stop. And very likely that mom needed a break. It was a lovely day. Her three year old was content and not demanding her attention. She was out of the house, getting some much needed exercise. There was a cool refreshing breeze. I only saw and heard them for less than a minute. I don’t have the whole story and it is not my place to judge (though I did). Much better for me to assume that she was doing her best... taking care of herself so she could give more renewed energy to her kids.