Thursday, October 29, 2009

Our habits - Their habits

Sometimes children develop some of the same "bad" habits that we struggle with. What are the best ways to deal with this? Just a few thoughts -

If you tend to be someone who turns to sugary or snacky foods, and you don't want children to do the same thing, try to leave these foods behind at the grocery store when you do your shopping. Since these are trigger foods for you, when they are not there, then this eliminates a potential source of "fight" with others. Fighting about food is one of the things that has often contributed to our own current food issues, so many of us learned to hide our food or lie to ourselves and others. If the food is going to be around, can you find ways to accept and not fight about it?

The other night we were all (all of us adults) watching a movie together and I was totally distracted by the fact that every one else kept going for more and more snack foods and I try to not eat ofter dinner. The right way for me to respond is to just do my best to take care of myself. They will take care of themselves in whatever way they need to.

I was a nail biter until about 7 years ago. That is nearly 50 years of nail biting. One of my sons is also a nail biter. When he was a kid, I would negotiate all kinds of things to try to get him to stop. And I would also give him "looks" or say something. None of this ever did any good. Hey, I should have known this since nothing worked on me either. A few years ago, as an adult, he decided to stop. It is hard to watch our kids doing things we don't like, especially when we see the same things in us. Sometimes consequences work, and sometimes they do not, and often our constant reminders can just be too much.

I went to a workshop on the emotionally intense child this past weekend. One of the things the speaker said is when children complete a task and behave appropriately, give big acknowledgments... when they do not, give big love. This sounds good to me.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Near and dear to our hearts

Seems like more and more, there is life to talk about. A dear friend of mine passed away today. So I am reflecting on her life and my cherished relationship with her. We all start out as little children, full of potential. We come from all kinds of families. Some children have parents who adore them. And some parents have a hard time figuring out what children really need. No matter what, no matter where children live and grow up, their potential still bubbles inside. Our potential does not stop at the dawn of adulthood. We continue to have many opportunities to learn and stretch our imaginations, to reach further than we could have even thought possible as a young child.

We are encouraged to grow by feeling near and dear to someone. We are social creatures and need each other. There can be miles that separate us, but we feel a strong connection with the mere thought of our loved one. Or the sound of their voice. Or a glance at a photo that reminds us of a special celebration.

I am in awe of the resilient spirit that helps each one of us to fly. As I remember my friend, may we all feel the support of those near and dear to us that have been the shoulders that lifted us onward. And may we offer our support to those coming right behind us. Blessings to all.