Talking with - not at

True confessions - Once a mother, always a mother. Yes, but does this mean I will always talk to my children like children. I certainly hope not. I have been noticing lately, the times that I occasionally talk to my sons like a mom. I don't want to do that. They are adults and my friends. They are doing just fine living their lives and figuring out what's next. And most of the time, I'm really pleased with my adult relationships with them.

But sometimes... I need a reminder. What kinds of words are we using to communicate with our children? Using baby talk doesn't help young children learn correct speech. Children understand our words and the intention in our voice way before they can speak well themselves. Children learn language through human interactions, with give and take. Not from one sided TV. They learn language within the context of our relationships. So, from early on, they benefit from lots of communication. We can talk with them about what we are doing, where we are going. Ask questions. And wait patiently for their response. As they get older, we can adjust our communication to their increasing capacity for understanding. Then, before we know it, they are capable communicators, who are also talking differently with their peers.

School aged children and teens deserve to be given credit for what they know and who they are. Our communication can reflect this.

"I know this is hard for you. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help."
"Will you please get a load of wash started?"
"Thank you for helping with dinner?"
"What are your thoughts about ____?"

When we are frustrated about our child's behavior or a struggle he or she is in the middle of, one of the surest ways to help is to make sure that we are communicating with sensitivity. Our words matter. What we say and how we say it makes a difference. Are we creating stronger connections? Or are our words pushing them away?

The best way to help children is to work on ourselves. So, I have been noticing lately, catching myself in the "mom" mode that my kids and I have outgrown, understandably. I'll keep you posted as I continue to reflect on my communication, especially with family members, young and old.