In the heat of the moment

Someone asked me for a "reality check" yesterday. She wanted feedback on how to respond to her teenage son's deceptive behavior. He didn't check in with her after school (as is their custom) before going to hang out with friends for Halloween. Her son knew his mom had concerns about this particular friend and the lack of supervision at his home. She wanted to drive right over there and get him, knowing that he would likely resist and then they would be in the middle of a conflict. One of his other friends had called their house, so she had asked him to have her son call home. I suggested she wait and give her son a chance to call. She set a timer for herself, and he did call. The evening resolved way more peacefully than it might have.

After this call, I started thinking about what I would have done in a similar situation. Out of my fear and concern, I, too, would have wanted to check on my son and make sure he was safe. I might have driven right over there and given him a mini-lecture on keeping in touch with me. Then, depending upon his response, I would have gone back home, with or without him.

When we are in the middle of something with one of our kids, our feelings often take over. Our fears and frustrations can get the best of us and we sometimes over-react. We usually already know a "better way" to deal with our kid's defiance or misbehavior. We don't always remember in the heat of the moment.

So, last night, I was reminded how important it is to stop, breathe, and take time to consider our responses. There are definitely a few from the past that I would like to take back. I can't. But, I can try to remember today to think before I respond. This always helps!