Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Don't take it personally

“I hate you!”
“I’m never going to be your friend again!”
Or your teen screams, “You never understand!”

In these intense moments of anger and frustration, children lash out. We sometimes get offended and our feelings are hurt. We have taken this personally. In this state, we react with behaviors that further ignite the battle. We may feel like issuing a comeback with a biting reaction like, “Don’t you talk to me that way!!” Our effective communication goes out the door.

A calm, understanding response is so much more likely to help our relationships. Acknowledge the feelings behind the words and let go of any thought that children really mean it. We all sometimes exaggerate during times of intense emotion.

A simple response can restore good feelings -
“I know you are really disappointed right now. I just want you to know that I am here when you are ready to talk about this.”

It is reassuring to children to know that adults can handle strong feelings without retaliating. We don’t have to take it personally. When children are able to express these deep feelings, this often means that they are comfortable enough to be honest with us. They trust that we will be right here, unconditionally accepting them no matter what emotions rise to the surface.

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