Backing down

She was feeling the press of her own deadline. She had a class that night and wanted her twelve year old son's homework to be done before she left. So she was on him to do his homework - now! Finally, he yelled, "Leave me alone!!" Rather than come back at him with what she would have said in the past - "Don't you disrespect me!" - she just stopped and waited quietly. In a minute, her son humbly apologized. Then she calmly asked him what his plan was for that night's homework. He became willing to do it.

She was pleased with this breakthrough. In class, we have been talking about the real power of listening and backing down. When we come back with our own insistence, this can be like putting fuel on an already burning fire. The flames shoot up! And the fight continues. Instead, when we are able to take a breath and think before we respond, this gives the child or other person a chance to think, too.

This is simple, but it's not easy. We need to set aside whatever is calling us into the fight just long enough for the dust to settle and clearer heads to step in. The more often we can successfully back down, the easier it becomes next time. And there will likely be a next time.