Powerlessness

I am daily reminded of my powerlessness. Living in the whirlwind of world, national, and personal events, I would like to feel like I could control the things that happen to me and around me. I can't. I can influence how I feel about them. I can consider my reaction and response. That's where my power lies.

True confessions - In the moment, amnesia often settle in. I forget previous experiences and don't take even a nano-second to consider my response first before I blunder into the mix. My sons have experienced this first hand. They have always had their own ideas about what they needed in any situation, and rightly so. At the same time as I valued their independence, I was also frustrated when their ideas were counter to what I thought was best for them. And as their mother, I often had the commanding final authority on decisions that I thought would effect their well-being. My heart was in the right place, but during these times, I sometimes squelched their independence, and their need to learn through their own choices. Those times are in the past. And thankfully, they have grown into capable adults, because and in spite of our parenting.

I continue to work on developing personal practices that will help me be more present. I want to worry less about the future and be grateful for the many blessings I have now. I want to slow down and think before I react. I also need to accept my powerlessness over people and situations. I really don't know what's best for everyone else. I can only try to figure out what's right for me. Just taking the time to sit and write out what I am thinking and feeling helps. I gain some perspective. It also helps me during the toughest times to say the "Serenity Prayer":

Grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.

and to Breathe! Wisdom is more likely to surface and help me act in the present with calm when I have allowed myself the gift of time to consider the alternatives. Yes, I am powerless over others. But this does not mean I must lay back and give in. I must muster my courage to continue to respond thoughtfully with kindness, respect, and understanding.