New beginnings

My husband is experiencing a renewed appreciation for life as he adjusts to life with a stent in an artery in his heart. We are learning to eat differently. I am trying to make similar food changes, and this is not easy! One day at a time.

And all around us, there are other kinds of new beginnings. Bulbs and flowering trees are blooming. Everything is green (which is a very temporary things in Northern Calif where the rain stops in April and doesn't start up again until next fall).

We also have some new babies in the family and among friends. What joys these little ones can bring. Reminds us of our own sons when they were newborns and young ones. Boy, that was long ago!

I want to hold on to the excitement of new beginnings. I want to remember that each day offers opportunities for new possibilities. I want to have what the Buddhists call "beginners mind" with my daily life and not get caught up in "same old same old". I promise at least for today, to start fresh tomorrow. I promise to find moments of joy and wonder. I also want to have acceptance for all of the people I will encounter. Each day is a miracle, a time to be thankful for all that we have and all that we can create and do.

Counting our blessings

Well, I don't want to sound too much like Pollyanna, but I am counting my blessings. There are many things going on right now that are very difficult, sad, and scary. Haiti struggles to recover. Chile is still shaking with aftershocks. The "haves" in all corners of the world have way more than their share, and the "have nots" don't have enough. And compared to many, I am one of the "haves." I have a warm house, plenty of food, the mobility to get around easily, and along with many other things, I also have computer to reach out into the world to connect with family and friends, to learn and to see what's going on.

My husband very recently went through a health crisis that came out of nowhere for us. And the blessing is that medical intervention was available for us. He is recovering and doing well. These kinds of experiences make us look at our lives differently and ask questions like - What is really important in our lives? What do we value? Where do we put our time and energy?

I am aware even with the title to this blog entry that many people have very few blessings to count. This is not fair. It is what it is, but I am recommitting as I write this to be sure to work at just taking "enough". Sometimes children are the ones who teach us to care for others. And we also need to model for them. Because what we actually do and how we actually spend our time says a lot about what is really important to us.

So just for today, even as I do the work that I must do, I am also going to show my love and respect to my family and friends. I am going to do at least a few things to take care of myself. I'm going to plan healthy meals for us. I'm going to get some exercise. I'm going to tell people I love them. And I'm going to take time to play. I'm going to enjoy the bright green buds that are coming out everywhere, a sign that spring is in the air and we will soon be blanketed with wildflowers. Blessings to you all!

It's a joint effort

We are not meant to slog through it all alone. We have family and friends to help us.

This includes the children. In many cultures, children "work" right along side their parents. They learn the ways of their group through direct exposure to daily tasks. When they are young, they play with the tools and practice. As they get to be about school aged they are right in there doing what is expected.

Most of us live with many conveniences we take for granted. We have dishwashers and washing machines. We have vacuum cleaners and cleansers. We can buy prepared foods that we just need to microwave to heat up. It's not surprising that children may think that no help is needed. And we adults sometimes find it easier to just do "it" ourselves rather than ask the kids to help. But there are many things needed to keep a household running smoothly, and many ways that children can be included in this. Even before children are school aged, we can let them know that this requires a joint effort.

This joint effort also applies to development. We offer support to help children develop to their full potential physically, cognitively, emotionally, and socially. But once they are out in the world, at school or with friends, they are learning many things outside of our protective hold. They will become unique individuals. "It takes a village" to raise a child. And soon they are having more and more say about what they want and who they will become. Then, our job is to trust and let go.

For daily reminders, consider purchasing Guiding Their Way - Day by Day (upper left).

Happy New Year

The new year just began here 30 minutes ago. I can't believe how quickly time passes. It is hard to believe that 10 years ago we were worried about Y2K and what the effect would be on computers, etc. Nothing, not even a whisper. And here we are, life chugs along. Justifiable economic fears, wars rage on, children and families struggle. That's just some of the bad news.

And at the same time, many people are incredibly generous. They go out of their way to be supportive and helpful to others. I saw "The Blind Side" (and quite a few other movies) and then the 20/20 interviews with the real people. I was so impressed with their willingness to support a boy from an entirely different way of life. What would the world be like if we all reached out to others like this?

Well, the new year is upon us. How can we demonstrate our generosity to others? What can we do to show children that we are ALL brothers and sisters? How can we unite to solve the problems that plague our planet? What does tomorrow hold? There is no time like the present!

Blessings and peace to all! Glo

Building Bridges

So easy to get in trouble with people... letting misunderstandings put another brick in the walls between us. We say something. The other person interprets what we have said through their own filter. We don't ask for clarification. We make an assumption about what was meant. Sometimes we are right. But, when not, we start the conversation in our head about how that person has wronged us. Then we are off and running- angry, resentful, disappointed.

Some of us are natural communicators. We choose our words carefully and then check in with others to make sure there is understanding. This does take extra time, but it is usually worth it. The rest of us need to learn from our clear, direct friends.

It is especially important that we help children with this. They don't always understand the words we have used. Children also often go to the place of believing that the problems in our relationships, our anger or turning away from them is their fault. And it is not. Children don't make us angry. Our friends or partners don't intentionally make us angry. When we are angry, we are making a choice to react to the situation that way.

We need to build bridges that help our relationships grow. We need to offer support and listen. We need a healthy dose of patience. These special relationships deserve our attention. As I write these words, I need this reminder, and a nudge to apologize for a misunderstanding I contributed to just the other day.

Wishing you a day of bridge building. We need each other.

A Season of Gratitude

It's easy to write about gratitude, but often hard to remember these things in the moment. We can get so wrapped up in the busy-ness of right now. Or get tangled in resentments or regrets. Believe me - I could make my list!! But just for now, with a few moments for reflection, I'm going to share a few gratitudes and hope that you will too.

• I am grateful for family. They are the people we have been given, not the ones we have chosen. Though it isn't always easy, it is so much more satisfying to love and accept them than to fight... or to wish they were more understanding. And besides, we don't really have control over them, only our own feelings and reactions.
• My three sons are now grown. They have each weathered some tough times and gained skills to navigate in unfamiliar or scary territory. May their paths continue to open for them.
• Even though times are financially very tough for many, there are also many wonderful stories of generosity and kindness. On the whole, Americans are very generous people.
• Opportunities to learn are everywhere. We can learn from children. We can learn from the next person in line or a driver who shares the busy road with us. If we are open, lessons come in many forms.
• I am blessed with good friends, people I have chosen because of similar experiences or interests. People who share my values and beliefs. What would we do without them? We might be very isolated and lonely. It is sometimes hard to reach out, but is often very rewarding.
• Children are a constant source of joy and surprises. There they are, smile on their faces, open and ready for the next new experience. Give a hug. Read a book. Push a child on the swing. Smile back.

There are so many things to be grateful for. I would love to hear from you about what you are thankful for. Blessings for the season.... and for every day!

Our habits - Their habits

Sometimes children develop some of the same "bad" habits that we struggle with. What are the best ways to deal with this? Just a few thoughts -

If you tend to be someone who turns to sugary or snacky foods, and you don't want children to do the same thing, try to leave these foods behind at the grocery store when you do your shopping. Since these are trigger foods for you, when they are not there, then this eliminates a potential source of "fight" with others. Fighting about food is one of the things that has often contributed to our own current food issues, so many of us learned to hide our food or lie to ourselves and others. If the food is going to be around, can you find ways to accept and not fight about it?

The other night we were all (all of us adults) watching a movie together and I was totally distracted by the fact that every one else kept going for more and more snack foods and I try to not eat ofter dinner. The right way for me to respond is to just do my best to take care of myself. They will take care of themselves in whatever way they need to.

I was a nail biter until about 7 years ago. That is nearly 50 years of nail biting. One of my sons is also a nail biter. When he was a kid, I would negotiate all kinds of things to try to get him to stop. And I would also give him "looks" or say something. None of this ever did any good. Hey, I should have known this since nothing worked on me either. A few years ago, as an adult, he decided to stop. It is hard to watch our kids doing things we don't like, especially when we see the same things in us. Sometimes consequences work, and sometimes they do not, and often our constant reminders can just be too much.

I went to a workshop on the emotionally intense child this past weekend. One of the things the speaker said is when children complete a task and behave appropriately, give big acknowledgments... when they do not, give big love. This sounds good to me.

Near and dear to our hearts

Seems like more and more, there is life to talk about. A dear friend of mine passed away today. So I am reflecting on her life and my cherished relationship with her. We all start out as little children, full of potential. We come from all kinds of families. Some children have parents who adore them. And some parents have a hard time figuring out what children really need. No matter what, no matter where children live and grow up, their potential still bubbles inside. Our potential does not stop at the dawn of adulthood. We continue to have many opportunities to learn and stretch our imaginations, to reach further than we could have even thought possible as a young child.

We are encouraged to grow by feeling near and dear to someone. We are social creatures and need each other. There can be miles that separate us, but we feel a strong connection with the mere thought of our loved one. Or the sound of their voice. Or a glance at a photo that reminds us of a special celebration.

I am in awe of the resilient spirit that helps each one of us to fly. As I remember my friend, may we all feel the support of those near and dear to us that have been the shoulders that lifted us onward. And may we offer our support to those coming right behind us. Blessings to all.

Tweeners need us

What's a "tweener" you ask? These are kids who are in the middle between childhood and full blown adolescence. They are often in the beginnings of the changes brought on by puberty. And all the emotional mood swings are starting to kick in. They are capable and want to be thought of as "grown up" but they still need lots of support and guidance. Because all kids develop at different rates, tweeners are typically between the ages of 10 and 14. This can be a very awkward time for the tweener and the adults in their lives. These are also the middle school years from 5th through 8th grade. You couldn't pay me enough to go back to those times!

Though they are very tuned into their friends and actively push adults away, they need us. Especially in these crazy times. They are pulled to make choices and decisions about many things: school work, recreational activities, and values choices. They feel peer pressure intensely and what to fit in. Media bombards them from all sides.... with music, video, games, advertising. And the messages they are getting are not always the ones we want them to focus on.

More than ever, we adults need to work to keep the channels of communication open.... and not just with rules and more rules. Yes, they need limits. But we want them to think of us as available and approachable when they need to talk, or just to do something fun together. We walk a challenging line to keep a balance between loving support and appropriate limits.

What do you do to keep the lines of communication and connection open between you and your tweener?

A fresh start today

You can't go back and make a new start.
But you can start today to make a new end.

This is a saying that is used by people who are struggling with recovery from addiction. This can give hope to all of us when we have gotten ourselves into a jam and don't think we can ever leave this mistake behind us. We can. And each day is a fresh start on the rest of our lives.

How often do we remind kids or other family members over and over again about the mistakes they have made? "You always forget to do ____." or "When are you going to ever learn ____?" Yes, we get frustrated that learning often seems to take a long time, but it did for us when we were kids, too. It still does! And this kind of message isn't what helped us finally get beyond and grow up. This kind of message left us feeling like we would never get there. It deflates self esteem.

After a time out, or a consequence as a result of an inappropriate behavior, we can actively put this behind us and encourage the child to do the same. For ourselves, when we make a mistake, when we respond too harshly, we can apologize and start fresh today or even the next moment with kindness. Yes, children need redirection. They need our help to learn and grow. They do not need us to "bark" at them with commands. We learn too, day by day. I learn day by day, as I work on things that trip me up and keep me from being the best person I can be, toward myself and other people.

Thankfully, today is a new day.